1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:07,883
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

2
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:53,679
[♪♪♪]

3
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,597
Charlene: Well, then,
can you tell me...

4
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,474
But I thought
they were going to make a decision.

5
00:00:57,474 --> 00:01:00,894
I see. Well,
maybe if I call back in a few...

6
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,063
Will you call me,
then? All right.

7
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,147
Thank you
very much.

8
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:06,733
What was that
all about?

9
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,027
I don't know.

10
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,156
Did Rudy or Marcel
call about the pink valences?

11
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,033
No, not yet.

12
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,119
Actually, that was
my cosmetics company.

13
00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:19,621
Charlene, for the life of me,
I cannot understand

14
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,456
why you like selling
that stuff on the side.

15
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:24,042
I mean, it's not like you make
all that much extra money,

16
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,045
and having those
little make-over demonstration parties

17
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,965
in other peoples' homes
is beyond me.

18
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,175
Well, Julia, that's you.
This is me.

19
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,719
I happen to enjoy it.

20
00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,679
Just this morning
I met a woman at Carl's Jr.

21
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,347
with a pore problem.

22
00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:40,559
Tonight I'm going
over to her house and close them off.

23
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,649
Something wrong?

24
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,193
Oh, it's nothing.

25
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,946
I just heard today's date
on the car radio.

26
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,448
I thought my birthday
was next week.

27
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,116
Now I find out it's Friday.

28
00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:59,536
Boy, I knew this was
gonna happen.

29
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:02,622
You're depressed
about the big 3-0, aren't you?

30
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,334
No, Julia,
I'm not depressed about the big 3-0.

31
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,461
I'm depressed
about the big 2-9.

32
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:12,007
Suzanne, I don't
want to seem unkind,

33
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,467
but I am your sister,
remember?

34
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,011
I know when you were born
and you're going to be 30.

35
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,971
I most certainly
am not.

36
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,389
If you don't believe me,
ask Mother.

37
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:23,393
Why would I ask Mother?
She lies about her age, too.

38
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,062
Well, that's
pretty strong talk

39
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,355
from someone
who throws herself

40
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,982
an alleged 40th
birthday party every year.

41
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,067
[TELEPHONE RINGING]

42
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,485
I'll get it.

43
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,736
Sugarbaker's.

44
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,529
Yes, this is she.

45
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,864
Oh, you're kidding?

46
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,241
Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, I'm so excited.

47
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,576
I'll tell her right away.

48
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:40,911
Okay. Thank you very much.

49
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,048
Guess what.

50
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,341
I don't know.
Oh, come on, just guess!

51
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,927
Oh, Charlene, please.
You always do this.

52
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,471
I can't guess. There are
too many possibilities.

53
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:03,183
Life, death, birth,
infinity. Just tell me.

54
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,851
Oh, all right.

55
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,686
Kemper Cosmetics
has been looking for someone

56
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,106
to sponsor them
in the Miss Pre-teen Atlanta contest,

57
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,190
And they just
found her.

58
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,526
I should have guessed.

59
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,527
I would have
gotten that one.

60
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,778
Oh, Mary, chill.

61
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,614
It's Claudia.

62
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,574
My Claudia?
Yes!

63
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,909
Oh, I was going to ask
your permission,

64
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,369
but I thought,
"No, let it be a surprise."

65
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,204
So I went ahead
and I submitted her picture and bio,

66
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,957
and they want
to sponsor her. Isn't that fantastic?

67
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,877
Oh, what's the matter?
You aren't excited.

68
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,879
Well, I...

69
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,298
I appreciate
the gesture, Charlene, but...

70
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:38,635
I don't believe
in beauty contests.

71
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,262
What do you mean
you don't believe in them?

72
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,180
They exist.
They're on TV!

73
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,683
I mean...

74
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:45,934
I don't like them.

75
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,520
I feel like they--they...

76
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,063
They exploit people,

77
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,690
and they promote
the wrong kind of values.

78
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,817
And it's just
not something I'd want my daughter involved with.

79
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:56,778
But I really appreciate
you thinking about her.

80
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,739
Well, I for one,
am sick and tired

81
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,199
of everyone
always talking about

82
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,452
how beauty pageants
exploit women.

83
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,746
I love every one
of my crowns.

84
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,582
And being
Miss Georgia World

85
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,500
was the finest moment
of my life.

86
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,211
Nobody had to force me

87
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,714
to walk
down the runway in that swimsuit.

88
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,633
I did it
with my head held high.

89
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,261
You had to. The stays
in that bra were so big,

90
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,638
If you looked down,
you would have gouged yourself to death.

91
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:32,147
Mary Jo, I just
can't believe you feel this way.

92
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:35,150
Well, I'm sorry,
but I agree with her.

93
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,277
I especially loathe
those pageants

94
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,321
where the women
come out in their bathing suits

95
00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:42,282
and they plaster
those ratings across the front of them.

96
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,201
That is so degrading.

97
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,827
Isn't that
the worst?

98
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,872
It's like some sort
of breast-athon at the Olympics.

99
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,708
They'll have this
gorgeous creature come out

100
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,376
with these humongous...

101
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,712
and, right, superimposed
across the front of her body

102
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,464
will be a giant score,

103
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:01,384
like 9.6.
That's out of ten.

104
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:04,471
Then they'll bring out
this anemic little, bird-like creature

105
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,515
who probably
plays the oboe,

106
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,351
and she'll be there
in her native costume,

107
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,520
you know,
with a big grin on her face.

108
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:15,649
Underneath the grin
it will say 4.6.

109
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,192
I mean, it is
just so painful,

110
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,110
I want to run to my phone
and call her up and say,

111
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:22,280
"Honey, wipe that smile
off your face and take a look at that monitor,

112
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,199
"because they are making
a complete fool out of you."

113
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,579
I don't think
there's anything wrong with rating them.

114
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,414
Anyway, look at
all the good things pageants do.

115
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,583
They provide
opportunities and scholarships...

116
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,043
But look at the degradation

117
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,670
that the women
have to go through to get them.

118
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:40,423
I--I say it's a lot easier
just to do your homework.

119
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,553
That's right!
And if pageants are so all-fired wonderful,

120
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,596
why don't they
have them for men?

121
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,932
Why aren't Bob
and Frank and Ted out there

122
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,017
flexing their little
tushies for tuition?

123
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,645
I'll tell you why Bob
and Frank and Ted aren't out there.

124
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,690
Because Bob
and Frank and Ted have got better sense.

125
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,025
What are you saying?
That men are smarter than women?

126
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,569
About this they are.

127
00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:02,195
Well, I certainly
don't know any man

128
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,739
who would go
on national television and reveal...

129
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:07,158
His most vital statistics?

130
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,829
Certainly not for the purpose
of being compared to other men.

131
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,832
Can you imagine the angst
in that auditorium?

132
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,961
I bet they would shrivel up
and die in the isolation booth?

133
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,006
Well, I think you two
are completely overreacting.

134
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:23,174
We're talking about
beauty pageants here,

135
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,343
not <i>Playboy</i> magazine.
There's a big difference.

136
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,304
Only in degrees.

137
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,472
The beauty pageants just
throw in these scholarships

138
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,391
to make it look like
it's not a beauty contest.

139
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,643
And <i>Playboy</i>
throws in Jerry Falwell

140
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,520
and the President
of the United States

141
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,272
as an excuse
to show centerfolds.

142
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,690
But it's the same
double standard.

143
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,775
If Hugh Hefner
truly thinks

144
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,403
that being
publicly spread-eagled is so fantastic,

145
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,363
how come we haven't
seen his little wahoo

146
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,157
with a staple in the middle?

147
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,084
Is it just me,
or have we gotten off track here?

148
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,129
I'm sorry.
You're right, Charlene.

149
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,839
We're getting
carried away.

150
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,550
I know it.
When I get started, I just can't stop.

151
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,636
Julie, your just like mother

152
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,139
Remember when Daddy used
to have to take her purse and hit her in the head.

153
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,018
Those were fun times,
weren't they?

154
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,063
Charlene...
Mm-hmm.

155
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:21,107
I know you have
Claudia's best interests at heart,

156
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,486
but it's just
not something that I want her to do.

157
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,612
You understand?

158
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,281
Yeah, I do.
I just hope Claudia will.

159
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,658
Oh, that's no problem.

160
00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,660
I'll just
never mention it.

161
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:32,661
Too late.

162
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:37,082
What?
Well, she is the one who gave me the pictures.

163
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,507
Why not?

164
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,133
Because it's just
not something

165
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,593
that I want
you to do!

166
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,387
I just don't see how
it could hurt for me

167
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,763
to be in
Miss Pre-teen Atlanta!

168
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,766
Claudia, a few weeks ago,
you had not even heard

169
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,060
of Miss Pre-teen Atlanta...

170
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,104
Quint, is there
something you need?

171
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,480
I need some
toilet paper.

172
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,232
I'm changing
all the rolls.

173
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:05,694
Is it just
a coincidence

174
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,779
that you
always do this right at bedtime?

175
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,698
You have any
chewing gum?

176
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,368
Not a proper response.

177
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,704
Go to bed.

178
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,206
I'll tuck you in
in a minute.

179
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,709
Okay, look, I'll make
a deal with you.

180
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,836
If you let me be in
Miss Pre-teen Atlanta,

181
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,878
I promise I won't make

182
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,672
anything below a "B"
this semester.

183
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,507
And I'll clean
my room everyday.

184
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,551
Do you want it
that bad?

185
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,178
Yes! Look, you always say
you'll never get anywhere

186
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,681
if you're not willing
to stick your neck out.

187
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,559
Honey, these
beauty contests are brutal.

188
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:40,145
I mean, look,
I just think that you are the prettiest,

189
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,356
most special daughter
ever born,

190
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,024
but these other
contestants,

191
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,568
they're hard-core
professionals.

192
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,069
And you are
just an amateur.

193
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,405
Look, I've lost
to things before. I can take it.

194
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,242
Okay.

195
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,371
But if I let you do this,
I want you to remember

196
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,874
that these
are not our values.

197
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,584
I understand,
and I promise.

198
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,670
Because the way
that a person looks is not important.

199
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,547
It's what
they are inside.

200
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,300
Everything else
is just superficial.

201
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,595
And certainly not
something that

202
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,766
we'd want to spend
a lot of time on.

203
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:25,440
And now we have
the names of our five finalists,

204
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,775
one of whom
will be crowned

205
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,402
Miss Pre-teen Atlanta
tomorrow night.

206
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:30,987
And to read those names

207
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,490
is the current
Miss Georgia World,

208
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,116
Marjorie Lee Winnick!

209
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,828
Thank you, Dan.

210
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,290
Thank you.

211
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,000
As I call the names,

212
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,503
I would like
for each finalist to come on stage.

213
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,838
Number one.

214
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,716
Sponsored by
U-tan-it Sun parlors,

215
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:55,553
And look at that tan,
Mary Lynn McPheters.

216
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,390
Can you believe that?
I thought her nose was a little long.

217
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,936
Number two.

218
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,104
Sponsored by
City Light and Water,

219
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,482
Joy Ann Giffons.

220
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:10,735
Oh, please!
You can see her gums when she smiles.

221
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,447
Number three.

222
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,366
Sponsored by
Sea Boss Chicken,

223
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,076
Jennifer Lynn Weeks.

224
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,411
Oh, please!
Did you see the hips on her?

225
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,163
She could haul
grain to market.

226
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,290
Mary Jo!

227
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,126
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's come over me.

228
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,753
Number four.

229
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:32,006
Sponsored by
Ed's Party and Sick Room Supplies,

230
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,217
Nancy Jane Whoopers.

231
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,635
I'm not saying a word.

232
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,390
And finally,

233
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,100
number five.

234
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,270
Sponsored by Kemper Cosmetics,

235
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,813
Claudia Marie Shively.

236
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,064
Yes! Yes!
[SCREAMING]

237
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:51,568
We won! We won!
Claudia is a finalist!

238
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:54,279
Well, little mother,
what do you think of beauty contest now?

239
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,280
[WHOOPING]

240
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,747
Only try it again
and see if you can hold

241
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,374
your shoulders back
a little more.

242
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,084
Pretend there's
a board up your spine.

243
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,919
Life is hard enough.

244
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,255
Why would anyone
want to pretend that?

245
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,048
Oh, Julia, please.

246
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,049
If you don't
take it seriously,

247
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:16,217
how can we expect
Claudia to?

248
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:17,802
No, Charlene,
Julia is right.

249
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,512
I mean, I think
as long as Claudia is going to do this,

250
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,389
we ought to keep it
in the spirit of fun

251
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,433
and having a good time.

252
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,227
Well, we certainly
can't use any of these shoes. She needs heels.

253
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,730
Heels?
I don't wear heels yet.

254
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,232
You do now.
You need the height.

255
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,276
Trust me, short people
never win a pageant.

256
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:35,111
I'm not short.
I'm average.

257
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,905
I know, sweetheart,

258
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:39,157
but we want to be
better than average.

259
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,742
Okay. Now turn.

260
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,911
Very slowly.
That's it.

261
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,746
And just when you get
your back to the judges,

262
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,623
cock your head to one side
and give them a look.

263
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:47,790
Like this.

264
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,794
Only don't overdo it,
or they'll resent it.

265
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,963
Just a touch
of "come hither."

266
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,465
Wa-Wa-Wait a minute.

267
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,425
"Come hither."

268
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,510
She's 12 years old.

269
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,929
Don't you think
that's a little strong.

270
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:04,515
I mean, I think
something like...

271
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:07,310
"Hello, sir, nice to make
your acquaintance" is much more appropriate.

272
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:11,064
Mary Jo I haven't won 11 titles
just "Whistling Dixie."

273
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,774
Believe me, I know,
what I'm talking about.

274
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,525
Okay.

275
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:15,735
Don't do too much.

276
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,195
I just said that.

277
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:20,406
Okay, just a little bit
more colors on the cheeks.

278
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,950
And a little bit
around the eyes.

279
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,662
This is so exciting.
I was depressed about my birthday,

280
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,830
but this pageant
has just got my juices flowing again,

281
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,457
like the old days.

282
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,334
And tomorrow night,
I'm going to...

283
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,379
<i>She</i> is going to take
that auditorium by storm.

284
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,423
All right, now, Honey,
don't forget to smile,

285
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,925
that's the one thing
they always take off points for.

286
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,593
But not that
phony little smile

287
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,345
like Miss City Light
and Water.

288
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,055
You know, it's kind
of hard to smile all the time and mean it.

289
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:46,391
Smart girl.
Better watch out,

290
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,851
they deduct points
for that, too.

291
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,186
That's funny,
Aunt Julia.

292
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,688
Thank you, darling.

293
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:56,067
And as far as I'm concerned,
that smile is good anytime.

294
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,361
And what's wrong
with Miss City Light and Water?

295
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,737
I thought
she was nice.

296
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,572
It's nothing.
I just...

297
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,700
I just thought
her lips looked fake.

298
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,284
I mean they were puffy.

299
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,787
I think she was
on steroids.

300
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,584
Claudia Shively?

301
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:14,752
Here.

302
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,379
You're up next.
Are you almost ready?

303
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,214
She is more than ready.

304
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,549
She is magnificent.

305
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,591
Oh, are you the mother?

306
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:21,759
Are you kidding?

307
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,304
Marjorie, I am
Suzanne Sugarbaker,

308
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,473
Miss Georgia World 1976.

309
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,308
I think we met
at this year's pageant.

310
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,312
Oh, yes.
I remember you now.

311
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,481
You're the one
whose talent was twirling the baton.

312
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,066
That's right.

313
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,484
How did you remember that?

314
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,945
Because nobody twirls
the baton anymore.

315
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,655
I just thought it was a hoot.

316
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,993
Oh, Charlene, this
is Debbie Hammonds,

317
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,536
Miss U-tan-it's mother.

318
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,829
Oh, how do you do?

319
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,582
And this is
her other daughter Stacy Nicole.

320
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,084
She's in the
Little Miss Peach contest down the hall.

321
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,713
You're absolutely adorable.

322
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:00,048
Can I fix you up
one of these hot dog?

323
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,133
No, thank you.
It might ruin my lipstick.

324
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,303
Everyone thinks
she looks just like Jessica Lange.

325
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:08,097
Go ahead, honey.
Show them your Jessica Lange.

326
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,393
Oh, my goodness.
Very nice.

327
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,729
Hurry up, Suzanne,

328
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,064
we're going
to miss Claudia.

329
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,565
Okay. I'm just
touching up.

330
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,612
She's right, you know?

331
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:25,031
Nobody does twirl
the baton anymore.

332
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,284
You know
what I am, Julia?

333
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,787
I'm an aging
professional beauty queen.

334
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,247
And turning...

335
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,874
...29 tomorrow

336
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,044
has made me admit
for the first time

337
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,379
I have no other talent.

338
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:43,549
Oh, come on.
That's not true.

339
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,051
Yes, it is.

340
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:47,386
This is what I spent
my whole life doing.

341
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,264
I know in my heart
it's been a frivolous thing,

342
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:53,518
but, I'm not like you.

343
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,062
You can do anything.

344
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,022
This is all
I was born for.

345
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,774
From the time
I was a little girl,

346
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,110
whenever I'd see
a tiara, I'd just start to breathe hard.

347
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,571
And all I could think was,

348
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,075
I want that crown
to be on my head.

349
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,871
I'll never forget
walking down those runways.

350
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,706
The way
the roses felt in my arms

351
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,333
and the roar
of the crowd.

352
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,379
They loved me.

353
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,465
Now it's all over,
and I...

354
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:27,385
I just don't know
if life can ever be that good again.

355
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,347
Who was that?

356
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,766
Suzanne Sugarbaker.

357
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,560
Don't you
remember her? No.

358
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,062
Miss Georgia World '76?

359
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,648
Oh, yeah.
The one with the big hair.

360
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:43,359
Right. And the joke was
they found Jimmy Hoffa in it.

361
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:49,782
Do you know
she actually showed up at this year's pageant

362
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,910
and gave a two-hour
lecture on manners, cuss words,

363
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,287
and how not
to cross your legs.

364
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,580
No. No!
Yes.

365
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,789
Yes, it was so embarrassing.

366
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,792
Then, I have
another daughter

367
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,002
who looks
just like Vanna White

368
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,086
on <i>Wheel of Fortune.</i>

369
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:03,796
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

370
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,798
So, we stay
pretty busy

371
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,925
with the pageant circuit
most of the year.

372
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,760
Oh.
Yeah.

373
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,095
Better get her back.

374
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:13,472
Nice meeting you.

375
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,684
That's amazing,
isn't it?

376
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,019
One daughter
looks like Vanna White,

377
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,562
this one
looks like Jessica Lange.

378
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:20,646
So, tell me this...

379
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,481
How come
she looks like Lorne Greene?

380
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,733
Exactly.

381
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,863
Is it my imagination,

382
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:31,699
or have we become
two of the nastiest human beings

383
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,326
left on Earth?

384
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,371
Maybe we should
go back out.

385
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:38,915
They're on
the last interview.

386
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,631
Excuse me.

387
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,216
Aren't you
Marjorie Lee Winnick,

388
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:50,218
the current
Miss Georgia World?

389
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,469
Why, yes, I am.

390
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,595
I'm Julia Sugarbaker,

391
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:55,473
Suzanne Sugarbaker's
sister.

392
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,974
I couldn't help
overhearing

393
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,060
part of
your conversation.

394
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,811
Well, I'm sorry.
I didn't know anyone was here.

395
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,189
Yes, and I gather
from your comments

396
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:06,150
there are a couple
of other things you don't know, Marjorie.

397
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,653
For example,
you probably didn't know

398
00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:11,948
that Suzanne was
the only contestant in Georgia pageant history

399
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:15,034
to sweep every category
except congeniality.

400
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:19,830
And that is not something
the women in my family aspire to anyway.

401
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:23,834
Or that when she walked
down the runway in her swimsuit,

402
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,462
five contestants
quit on the spot.

403
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:29,507
Or that when she emerged
from the isolation booth

404
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:30,675
to answer the question,

405
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,760
"What would you do
to prevent war?"

406
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,389
She spoke so eloquently
of patriotism, battlefields,

407
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:39,600
and diamond tiaras,
grown men wept.

408
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:41,560
And you probably
didn't know, Marjorie,

409
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,981
that Suzanne was not
just any Miss Georgia.

410
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:47,525
She was
<i>The</i> Miss Georgia.

411
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:50,278
She didn't twirl
just a baton,

412
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,406
that baton was on fire.
Look that...

413
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,492
And when she
threw that baton into the air,

414
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,828
it flew higher,
further, faster

415
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,789
than any baton
has ever flown before,

416
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,082
Hitting a transformer

417
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,168
and showering
the darkened arena with sparks!

418
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:10,339
And when it finally
did come down, Marjorie,

419
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,467
my sister caught
that baton.

420
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,845
And 12,000 people
jumped to their feet

421
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:20,099
for 16 and one half minutes
of uninterrupted, thunderous ovation

422
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,185
as flames illuminated
her tear-stained face.

423
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:27,940
And that, Marjorie,

424
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,359
just so you will know,

425
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:34,238
and your children
will someday know,

426
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:38,326
is the night
the lights went out in Georgia.

427
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,798
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

428
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,596
Well, now you do.

429
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,730
My mother says
these pageants

430
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,399
put value
on the wrong things.

431
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:13,152
But she's been acting
pretty funny herself lately.

432
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,907
Anyway, she's always
taught me to be exactly who I am.

433
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,618
So, here goes.

434
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,287
The truth is,

435
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:26,165
I don't usually
look like this.

436
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,167
And I don't
want to be Jane Pauley.

437
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,339
I want to be
a professional dancer like in Las Vegas.

438
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,218
I didn't say that before

439
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,803
because I didn't think
it would make a very good answer.

440
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,598
And I don't think
I belong in this contest,

441
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:46,727
because I don't know
what being Miss Pre-teen Atlanta means.

442
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:50,314
And I think
it should be won by someone who does.

443
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:51,857
Thank you very much.

444
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,367
<i>♪ 29 candles ♪</i>

445
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,704
<i>♪ Ooh ooh ♪</i>

446
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,414
<i>♪ Make a... ♪</i>

447
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:07,665
A pretty...
I don't know.

448
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,917
Pretty smile.
Wait. I have another one.

449
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:15,172
♪ Happy, happy birthday,
Suzanne ♪

450
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,966
[HUMMING OUT OF TUNE]

451
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,845
Ta-da.

452
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,346
What is this?

453
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:24,348
It's your
birth certificate.

454
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,603
I found it in an old
cedar chest at home.

455
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,313
Well, there's
no date on it.

456
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,732
I know.
Mine is the same way.

457
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:37,027
That was mother's gift
to us.

458
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:41,198
Look at how old she was
when you were born.

459
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,200
Thirteen?

460
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,831
According to this,
mother is now a year younger than me.

461
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,667
That rascal.

462
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,337
Well, I don't know
about you all,

463
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,798
but I've got
to get this girl home to bed.

464
00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:59,925
Oh, wait.
I almost forgot.

465
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,844
I have a present
for Claudia.

466
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,642
Oh!

467
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,520
Oh, Suzanne,
it's beautiful.

468
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,063
But I can't
accept this.

469
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,523
I didn't
do anything to deserve it.

470
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:15,983
Yes, you did.

471
00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:18,944
You showed
class and courage. That's right.

472
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,530
Besides, this one
never looked that good on me, anyway.

473
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:25,367
Thank you.
What I want to know is how'd you get so much older and wiser

474
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,744
than the rest of us?

475
00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:29,663
Excuse me,
I still have to live with this person.

476
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:34,585
And even though
you may not be Miss Pre-teen Atlanta,

477
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:37,129
as far as
daughters go,

478
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,590
I think I got
the top of the line.

479
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:41,509
Good night.

480
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:43,135
Come on, you two.

481
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,554
I just have
one more thing I want to say.

482
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,933
I love my daughter.

483
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:51,393
I love everyone
in this room.

484
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:53,771
And I still think
Miss City Light and Water is on steroids.

485
00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:56,649
Good night!

486
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,650
Bye-bye.

487
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:03,447
Well, I guess
I should be going home, too.

488
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,658
Just don't fool with
any of this stuff.

489
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:06,992
We'll clean it up
in the morning.

490
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,619
Good. I'm kind of tired.

491
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:11,288
You can just
pile all my presents up there in the corner.

492
00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:12,414
I know.

493
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:14,583
Drive carefully.

494
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:15,543
I will.

495
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,420
Julia.

496
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:19,421
Yeah.

497
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:22,091
Thanks.

498
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:23,592
For what?

499
00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,387
Being my big sister.

500
00:22:30,224 --> 00:22:31,976
Happy birthday.

501
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,738
I still say 30.

502
00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:46,198
SUZANNE: Twenty-nine!

503
00:22:53,247 --> 00:22:58,752
["ISN'T SHE LOVELY" PLAYING]


